If you are struggling to cope with anger at the moment, the first thing you should do is get in touch with either 'Hereford Human Givens' or your nearest HG Practitioner. There is no need to battle through it alone, we can offer you a fast appointment and you will feel the benefits very quickly. But in the meantime, here are some helpful techniques that you can practice in your own time.
Re-framing is the term used to describe the placing of a new frame of reference around our thoughts. This is one of the most powerful ways to change feelings with aggressive and difficult people - this is an opportunity to practice 'life model' communication skills,
My child is stubborn -
"This demonstrates my child's ability to stand up for herself and not allow herself to be bullied"
The house is untidy -
"This is a home with a relaxed, lived-in atmosphere"
My friend is usually late -
"This is part of her easy going nature that I like so much"
The ABC of Anger Control.
AWARENESS of ANGRY THOUGHT
BLOCK the ANGRY THOUGHT
CHALLENGE the ANGRY THOUGHT
by thinking anti-anger thoughts, and using rational self statements.
The LIFE TM model of effective communication.
Listening, and here we mean 'active listening'. We allow the other person to confirm or modify our understanding by feeding back our understanding of what has been said by that person.
I - statements. We don't blame or criticise - such statements usually begin with 'you'.
Freedom - People should be allowed the freedom to 'own' their own problems.
Everyone's a winner - The importance of win-win negotiations.
These four LIFE principles will transform any emotionally fraught negotiation situation.
The Aggression Inhibition Reflex.
Feed back the person's complaint or request to show that they have really been heard
Offer a statement of regret
Offer a sincere apology
Acknowledge responsibility where appropriate
State your wish to find a solution that will satisfy everybody
Offer a compromise or remedy the complaint
"Speak when you're angry - and you will make the best speech you will ever regret"
"Anyone can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way - that is not easy"
"The surest sign that you haven't any sense is to argue with someone who hasn't"
- Dr Lawrence Peters
"Out of control, you are at the mercy of your anger.... you need a new kind of relationship with your emotions, one where you run them instead of them run you"
- Maria Anapaxis
"For he who gives no fuel to fire puts it out, and likewise he who does not in the beginning nurse his wrath and does not puff himself up with anger there by takes precautions against it and destroys it"
"Silence is one of the hardest things to refute"
- Henry Wheeler Shaw
"In the march towards truth, anger, selfishness, hatred etc., naturally give way, for otherwise truth would be impossible to attain. A man who is swayed by passions may have good enough intentions, may be truthful in word, but he will never find the truth"